THE ACCRESCENT™ PODCAST EPISODE 196

Ep. 196 FINAL

[00:00:00] Hello, welcome back to the Accrescent Podcast. I’m your host, Leigh Ann Lindsey. Today is a really fun, really special conversation between Kelly and I talking about my 30th birthday. Some huge epiphanies I’ve had. With abundance with receiving. I feel like it’s actually a really good conversation to follow last week’s podcast episode with Carol.

Look, when we were talking all about self-sabotaging success, self-sabotaging abundance, so I think these two were will pair really well together. But before we get into that conversation, I wanted to quickly remind everyone that we are doing a group ProLon Fast, starting July 6th. And if anyone missed the Father’s Day sale that I talked about in the last podcast episode, I wanted to let everyone know that there is a new summer sale going on.

That is gonna be going through June 29th, [00:01:00] and the sale is if you spend $149 or more, you get 15% off if you spend. $200 or more, you’ll get 20% off. If you spend 300 or more, you’ll get 25%, and if you spend 400 or more, you’ll get 30% off with the link in the show notes. What I wanted to say that’s so great about this is if you were planning to do the fast with a friend, or if you want to give your friends a little bit of an incentive to get involved, a friend, a loved one, a family member.

This is a great opportunity to do this where you can buy a couple of kits, everyone’s getting a deep discount, and then you can all join in this fast with us together. With that said, I also wanted to remind you guys, and I’ll make sure it’s in the show notes below again. The link to join the Instagram channel where we can all be chatting and communing as we go through this fast.

If you guys want to do it with us as a group, feel free to jump in that fast, or even if you’re not ready to do it, but you wanna join the channel [00:02:00] just to see what people are talking about, what they’re sharing, what their progress looked like. All of that will be in the show notes below. So with that onto the conversation with Kelly and I.

Okay, well here we are again. Hello. Another little internal episode from The Accrescent. We need to know the inner workings. Leigh Ann, tell us. Yeah, I always send Kelly before we jump on, like the roughest of rough bullet points of what we might cover today, and I, I have a feeling you’re still like, I still have no idea what we’re talking about.

It’s more that, I don’t know where that will take us. Uhhuh, who knows where we’ll end up. That’s fair. That’s fair. I never do either, which is I think the fun of it. But I think it’s, it’s special. We’re coming, you know, a week as we’re recording this. We’re a week out of my 30th birthday, and that was super special for any number of different reasons.

But I also feel like this whole month of June I’ve been diving into. [00:03:00] Really wanting to do like a deep, deep dive on some things more than I have in a while with different workshops and taking life inventory. And maybe we can even talk about some of those a little bit. But we were talking just off air that I feel a lot of what has been surfacing and shifting for me, even in just these last two weeks is.

A huge shift around abundance and being able to receive. And so that’s some of what we’re gonna get into a little bit more and how it looked for me in the past and how it’s starting to shift already. Yeah, I feel like set the scene, you know? Where did things start? Tell us about that. The weekend before your birthday, you had a party.

Yeah. You enjoyed time with others. Tell us a little bit more. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, birthday celebrations included, which I should say for the audience. I am not a big birthday person at all. I really don’t. What does that mean to you? Like I don’t care about birthdays that much. I think part of it is. No one’s ever [00:04:00] thought I was my age.

And so the number doesn’t really mean anything to me. My 21st birthday, my 18th birthday, my 20, like, none of those were really big things for me at all. Um, I don’t think I’ve had a birthday party in my adult life. Hmm. Interesting. Tons of birthday parties as a kid. Really, really fun. But other than like, Hey, let’s go to the beach with some friends, you know, let’s have dinner with a family.

I haven’t had a big. Big shit dig like we did. So Saturday was really, really special. I, there was like people from every facet of my life, my friends from work, work colleagues, you know, some of my friends outside of that, family, friends from college. Friends from my cohort in my PhD. And so it was this really fun, beautiful blending of everyone and we went all out.

We had this amazing Italian chef caterer and an open bar and gelato and wood-fired [00:05:00] pizzas. So magical. Yeah, and it was so special to just get to like hang out. My parents’ house is stunning out in the backyard all day. But what was so funny, and I think this is like. Gonna take us into this whole conversation of receiving and abundance and all its forms.

First of all, me even planning that shows how, how much more I have been able to receive than in the past. Because in the past I wouldn’t have even been able to plan that out of fear of no one coming, no one wanting to be there, everyone canceling last minute, whatever it was. Yeah, and that that’s a part of it, a fear, but then also like being really uncomfortable.

If everyone does show up. Yeah. And actually receiving it. So even the fact that I put intention into that and planned that and invited so many people was like a, I’m, I’m ready to say yes if they all come. Yeah. Yeah. To be seen. [00:06:00] And also I think, and we can get into this more down the line, but to also have them see each other, to have all the different facets of the person that you are, be seen by each other for who they are as well, I think is very, can be a very vulnerable thing.

I think so, yes. And just like, how’s everyone gonna mesh? And it’s a different type of integrating and inviting someone into your world when they meet someone in a different circle. Yes, it totally is. Yeah, I think so for sure. And it’s so funny because my, my number one love language is quality time. And so truly, truly, truly, people being there and basically saying like, I will give up free hours.

And you know how like particular I am with time. Yes. And not wasting time to have someone, you know, everyone is so busy to have them go, I’m gonna give up. A Saturday afternoon. Some people were driving from San Diego, from la, some people flew in from out of town. That [00:07:00] is like the best gift you can give and that makes me feel so seen and so special.

Yeah. Yeah. To that end, I was super proud of myself of being able to be, I think really, really present the day of and just receiving all that love. There was also probably 10 of us who stayed the whole weekend at my parents’ house, so, which is super fun. That is like my absolute favorite, like the sleepover party, oh my god.

The sleepover and you’re like up late chit chatting on the couch and then you wake up and your PJ’s and you’re having coffee together. That is. My jam. So it just was like full of love and connection and I feel like I was able to be really present. And then Monday I had also taken Monday off as just like a, okay, the introvert in me now needs some deep alone time to just sort of settle, recharge, reset.

And I felt so depressed. And I think someone might initially say, oh yeah, that’s ha, you [00:08:00] know, that’s what happens after. A big party. It’s kind of the let down the come down. Yeah, the come down. But I know that’s not what it was. And the more I sat with it, I was like, oh, I know exactly what this is. This is like a deep sadness and even a little bit of a panic coming up of like, I let them in so deeply and all those people showed up for me.

They sacrificed to be there for me. And now that I’ve let them in so deeply, they’re gonna see that I’m not who they thought I was and it’s all gonna be over. Whoa, that escalated quickly. Yeah. Yes, it escalated very quickly and, and it really, at the core of what it was, is just like that there was so much love showered on me and I am not good enough for that.

And I’m super proud of myself though because I think in the past I would’ve lingered there for a long time. And Monday I probably cried for like 30 minutes, just like raw kind of somatic. [00:09:00] And like, got to, that’s what it was. And then I just was able to go, oh, you know, my capacity to be able to just hold that much love without getting totally dysregulated.

Yeah. I’m just, I’m expanding that capacity. Yeah. So let me sit with this. This is safe to receive. It’s okay to hold this. And, and then it dissipated really, really quickly and I was able to kind of settle and allow that to move through. But I think it’s. It’s gonna lead us more into this conversation of receiving.

But I also think it’s just a really interesting point to make that, for me, I feel I’m, the last few years especially I noticed that I get what disregulates me most is actually the good stuff. Yeah. And I think a lot of us don’t see it that way, or that’s not, you know, a lot of people. A lot of people, it’s the reverse, but for me it tends to be when I get super, super excited about a podcast guest or a work opportunity coming my way or [00:10:00] school or whatever, or I just received all this love, it’s all that goodness that really, really destabilizes and disregulates me and I, I imagine there’s probably a lot of other people who experience that too.

Oh, so many and I’m sure you know, you probably see it in your practice every day. Okay. So before we go too far down that road, I had a question because I feel like something you said at the very beginning kind of ties all of this together. You said I haven’t had parties in the past. Um, I’ve always felt kind of afraid that no one would come or wouldn’t want to be there.

Where did that come from for you? Where did that initial thought process kind of root itself? I think, you know, I am remembering one, maybe it was even my 18th, I can’t remember in college planning. Planning a little, I mean just like the vaguest of the vague little gatherings at my parents’ house and no one really came.

Yeah. Um, but I think that more speaks to some of the self-fulfilling [00:11:00] prophecy of. I’m embarrassed, no one’s really gonna come. So I, I kind of tell people something’s happening, but I don’t really emphasize that it’s important. I don’t really share the invites until, like the week before. I don’t make a big deal out of it.

So no one thinks it’s a big deal, so no one comes. And so taking ownership of the role I’ve played in that. But I think that, you know, speaking to the pattern of most of my life, when I have done deeper reflecting on it, what I’ve seen is most of my life has been. And deep, deep yearning for connection and safety and being seen.

And yet a huge epiphany I had, I think in like 2020 was realizing you are not getting that. Not because you don’t have those people in your life who want to see you deeply, but because you’re keeping everyone at arms distance. And that was a massive shift for me and. I, I don’t even know that it’s anything anyone on the surface could have seen.

[00:12:00] Because in a lot of ways I’ve always been known as being a really vulnerable person. Yeah. That shares a lot. But I also think a lot of the things I share that others would consider vulnerable don’t feel exposing or vulnerable to me. Right. But also, it’s not even like I feel I can, I can be in, in the past, vulnerable and let people see that side of me.

Yeah. Still not like allow that deep connection to happen. Yes. Allow that life in, in that deeper way. Yeah. I definitely, so that’s what that looked like. It’s just most of my life was this like push, pull this push, pull this deep, deep hurt. And yet feeling like that connection I was looking for was. Yeah, always leading me and not, you know, for most of my life I was convinced like, I just can’t find the right people.

Why can’t I find the right people? And in some ways that was true, but in other ways, there were already 10 people in my life who were deeply [00:13:00] yearning to be connected with me, and yet I wasn’t letting them in. Right. So yeah, I’m curious if that like initial thought process in the past of like, I don’t know who will be there for me.

It may not be safe for me to plan something. You kind of step into this. No, I will. I will bravely let people into something that’s really vulnerable for me, which may be like allowing people to watch me have joy and fun and excitement and giggles and connection with other people. And those things may feel like whatever to everyone else, but maybe for you.

Some of these things feel like they are more vulnerable. They are more of a. Like, this is the real me, not just me, deeply. Ann, who like knows how to go there and you can always tell her something and she’ll have a story for you back, you know? But like you, in your most even lighthearted sometimes, I know that, like, sometimes that can feel like really scary to a lot people in and see.

Mm-hmm. And, and then, you know, Monday comes and that part of you snaps back. [00:14:00] Like, uh, but wait, we’re still scared. Okay. Like, we’re really still afraid that people aren’t gonna get us and. I, I’m just like fascinated that you were able to, you know, recognize it so quickly and help it kind of move along. I don’t know.

That seems like a real magic, like a real, a real alchemy that happened for you to be able to have that Monday experience and kind of see it through it, it’s like the cycle, like completed almost in a way. Yeah. Yeah. I think so. And I think that speaks to the continual work and that the lifestyle of.

Attunement that I feel I’ve tried to cultivate, although I’ve, I think I’ve gotten away from it a little bit in the, in the last year. But yeah, being able to spot that so quickly, this deep emotional experience I’m having, oh, here’s what this is. Oh, okay. Maybe it is safe to receive this. Yeah, I don’t, I, I think that was able to happen and come in and [00:15:00] shift and metabolize so quickly because of the trust I’ve created with myself in tuning in regularly over the years in nervous system work in expanding limiting beliefs and all those things.

But I will also say. Probably the last month has been a deeper, uh, you know, even my evox clients know I like to work in series and like a very specific thing, like, okay, the next two months I’m looking at blank. And so this last month has been very intentionally around receiving an abundance and so I kind of am looking at life with that eye.

Yeah, almost expecting, because I’ve chosen to work on this, there are gonna be moments that come up. Yeah. And so I think because I had my eye on that, I was able to go, oh, I’m saying I want to work on receiving. Yeah. And here’s a moment of I’m not able to receive that. Okay. Perfect. Thank you so much, universe, for this practice round [00:16:00] to be able to receive.

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Check the show notes for a discount code to receive 30% off your first order, as well as a link to shop. I also think there’s an aspect of it that’s just the people who are there. Like you also have, you have the trust and the faith in yourself, right? That you attuned yourself and that you can kinda let that move through you.

But also you have the trust in the people who came, who you invited, because those truly are the most aligned. People in your life, and when you really look back on Monday, you could say, but I can trust them like they’ve shown [00:18:00] me over and over again that I can trust their intentions, I can trust their choices and I can trust that they’re for me.

Yeah, I think so. And I think on some level, the fear that was beneath it is a mistrust of them that you can let in and remind yourself of. Because yeah, I think in some of those tiny moments, what comes up in. Rooted in the childhood stuff is like, oh my gosh, if I do one wrong thing, if I make like I’m a little tipsy ’cause we’re having fun and I make a joke that yes doesn’t come off well.

Like, are they all gonna then look at me and be like, oh my God. Wow. She’s not who she thought she, we, you know, she’s not who we thought she was. Yeah, it’s over. Yeah. No. Nope. That’s not gonna happen. No, there’s so much grace and empathy, although that didn’t, you know, that that experience didn’t happen. But I think that’s what the fear is, is if I really let my guard down, um, I, I know that if I let my guard down, I am going to make mistakes.

I am going to [00:19:00] disappoint people. That’s just life. I’m gonna not show up for a friend when they really need it. Sometimes. Yeah. Or be a little bit self-centered, or maybe say something in a way that is a little bit harsh that’s going to happen, but trusting that there is enough grace and space to be able to repair with those people if it does.

Is there at all a belief under there that you have to be infallible then, like that there’s some part of you that believes that if you are not operating at perfection, then people are gonna just see it later. Yeah, I mean, I think that’s what that reflects really to some extent is like, I can’t, I can’t make mistakes.

Mm-hmm. I don’t know people like me, because I. I never mean and always say the right thing and, and really super polished. And if they see that I do make mistakes, then blank, blank, blank. Yeah. Yeah. Even though we all [00:20:00] know that, like I know consciously I’ve, I’ve felt the same way at times. Probably more within my family system, but regardless, I’ve felt similarly.

Um, and I think that what I lose track of is like when I make mistakes, other people feel more at ease. Like, they’re like, oh God, thank goodness she is just as real and, you know, flawed as the rest of us. And she’s not trying so hard all the time. She’s like being herself and that self is just like a person with their, you know, pros and cons and.

I think that’s really a fascinating belief that kind of seeps into, I think, oftentimes really high achievers, people who really care a lot about doing a good job, who have lofty goals, who want to make something of their time and of their life on earth, which I think describes you to a T. Mm-hmm. So of course there is gonna be this sense of, mm-hmm.

Well, you know, I hold myself to this standard and I mostly hit it. Like, I’m sure you feel like that. Like I hold myself up here and pretty much I like [00:21:00] basically get there. And so, um, you have that ex like expectation for yourself. I’m sure. Like I can be basically almost. Perfect to a certain degree. You know, like, don’t we all, like if you’re doing, if I can like really hit a high mark, like then you’re thinking I can do a really good job, but like what happens if I don’t?

Because that is genuinely true about you. Like you hit the highest of high marks. But you are a person and how do we allow ourselves to like have those tipsy moments where some joke comes out and you’re like, oh my gosh, I’m embarrassed. I look like an idiot. Without letting that like detract from still being.

Like at the top of where you wanna be as a person, you know? Yeah. It’s, it’s kind of a funny paradox though, ’cause I think, um, and maybe you can attest to this, I, I don’t feel like I project perfection. No, you don’t. I feel like don’t, I’m pretty regularly in conversation, be like, gosh, I did this. Here’s what I’m struggling with.

Here’s what I’m [00:22:00] working on. And yet to like, mess up in front of someone in real time. Can feel very scary and still right to avoid that. But as you were talking, what I was thinking about is maybe even the layer beneath the feeling I need to be perfect is really a feeling of like people don’t have space for my bad days.

Yeah, and I think that’s a little bit of a shift to that. I have to be perfect to have love. It’s if I have a bad day, no one else has space for that. Yeah, no one else has room for that. Um. I think that does go straight back to childhood of just feeling like I was the one carrying everyone’s emotional burdens and they didn’t have space really for me to have a hard day or like that emotional capacity.

Yeah. Um. ’cause I do think even when we talk about our mistakes and failings in this capacity, it, it’s still, it’s related, [00:23:00] like it still endears people to you. Right? Like I, and I feel the same way. Like if I, if I’m honest about it after the fact, then I feel like there is gonna be more grace for me. But if someone catches you in the moment, like that’s where I feel like.

Ooh, that, that, um, maybe perception that I hope people have of me, that’s where it really slips. Maybe not perfection to a certain degree, but like the desire for people to see you in a certain way that’s like good, it’s a healthy desire. Mm-hmm. But to your point, that’s so true. If they catch you. In the act of making a mistake or messing up all of a sudden that feels like that is unbearable and I am no longer worthy.

Yeah. And they won’t have space and tolerance and capacity to be able to support me. Look at that with an open eye, like I’m thinking. I rarely, rarely, I’m getting a little better at it. And I also think this is part of my personality, but I will rarely call or reach out to anyone in an acute moment of turbulence.

Yes. Uh, you know, I’m not the one that’s just [00:24:00] like, oh, like on Monday when I was sobbing and sobbing. It doesn’t even occur to me to call a friend in that moment. Right. And I think part of that is when I am in deep, deep emotional need, I. I reach out to not receive it would be so much more devastating and I don’t trust that, like I’m not too much mm-hmm.

In those moments. Yeah. Yeah. I also do think to, to validate, like I do think it’s a part of my personality that I tend to want to suss things out on my own first before I go ask for external input and feedback. Um, but that is a part of what’s at the core of that is. To seek comfort in this moment when I am raw and in shambles and so vulnerable.

It’s gonna be too much for you. You’re not gonna be able to hold that. Yeah. Yeah. ’cause we talk about these things after the fact on a podcast, or maybe you talk with friends about them later on after it’s resolved and you [00:25:00] move through it. Um, and so that feels safer, right? Because there can be no. I mean, who’s gonna have any kind of negative thought towards somebody sharing vulnerably after the fact?

But in the moment, you might say like, Ooh, but what if this person just doesn’t get me? Well, there’s no need attached to it. Yes, no need. When I’m in the midst of it, there, there feels like there’s a very real need. I need safety. I need affirmation. I need soothing. Um. I just feel like that need that when other people feel that need so deeply, I think the subconscious belief is they’re gonna run away.

That’s too much. Versus when I’ve processed it and I’m sharing it like with you how I am now. Yeah. There’s no need in my voice. There’s no like, and I’m still in the thick of it. Kelly, please, please help me through it. Yeah. Um, so that’s interesting. I think there, there’s some more tending to do with that topic mm-hmm.

For myself, although you have, I feel like you did kind of meet the topic and the story of what your [00:26:00] dad’s been going through with more of a like, I’m not totally there yet. Sensation, you know? Mm-hmm. Like you, you did say, I’m glad I’m not talking about it. Like Right. Hot in the heels of a, of it happening.

But you know, you were kind of saying, I am still in the midst of this, and it is still very raw and I think that. Probably was a big moment to just say, I’m not truly sure how I’m gonna end up feeling on this. And I am in the middle of a really big turbulence. Um, and you got in a podcast and talked about it.

So that was pretty brave. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you. So, uh, where, where does that take me to? I just feel like I, I feel like I’ve had a really big, deep shift as it pertains to. Being able to receive and receive abundance. We, we were talking about today, my podcast interview with Carol Look, went live and we’re talking about self-sabotage, self-sabotaging from success, from abundance.

And [00:27:00] I know self-sabotage real well. I think I’ve overcome it in a lot of ways. And then I think it’s still there now in much more covert ways than it used to be. It used to be way more overt. But I, I guess maybe I’ll just like dive right in and try to explain. ’cause I’m, I’m always, you know, like the foundation of my philosophy in life is ever growing.

I wanna be, I wanna be the next best version of myself. Professionally, personally, financially, educationally, all the ways. Yeah. And I know when we talk about abundance, it often we think just financial abundance. Um. And that’s certainly a part of it and I absolutely am kind of trying to attract and manifest more financial abundance.

But there’s places where it feels so evasive and I feel like a huge, huge epiphany I had this last, literally like last week, was if you can’t [00:28:00] even receive a free dinner for your birthday. What makes you think you’re gonna be able to receive your first, whatever it is, you know, another 10 grand or something.

And that was just very striking to me. Yeah, yeah. Of like, oh, there is so many little versions of abundance that are coming through that I am totally taking for granted. And how can I rep, how can I practice receiving? Every single little thing that comes my way. Yeah. Oh, go ahead. Well, I have a question. Is it that you’re taking them for granted and maybe, or do you feel like you earned certain things?

Like there are things that you have worked for and then you think things come and you’re like, yes, I worked for that, but maybe when someone gives you a free birthday dinner, it’s more like, what do I, what did I do to deserve this? Like, you know, and that goes back to that worthiness and that like. Taking up [00:29:00] space aspect of it.

Like do you have a sense of, of a differentiation there? And maybe it is just that you’re like, I’m taking them for granted. I’m just not paying attention. But you work really hard for the good things that come your way. So maybe those things feel like fair. Yeah. Whereas like people’s love and at attunement to you feels like, oh my gosh, am I deserving?

Yeah. I think it’s a little bit of both. I think in some ways there’s maybe a, Ooh, I I’m not immediately doing something for you in this moment. Yeah. So it’s hard to receive this gifted dinner, but that is also speaking to receiving connection. I think that’s a part of letting people in is. I trust that this is an unconditional gift you’re giving me and that I don’t, that you want to give it.

Yeah. And you want to give it, it’s not out of obligation and um, and me receiving it is letting you in and not trying to immediately pay it back with something. ’cause this isn’t a transactional relationship. [00:30:00] Mm-hmm. You know, this is a really authentic relationship. But I also think on the other side of that spectrum, I think there’s a lot of small.

Gifts and abundance that come through for the universe that I totally take for granted. You know, it’s so funny ’cause I, I dunno, I, I do this all the time where I’m like, ah, if I could just blank. If I could just have this, if I could just have more of that and, and the universe is like, girl, I’m sending so many things your way.

Maybe it doesn’t look like exactly what you’re asking for, but you’re not even receiving it. I’ll give you like the easiest example I’ve had. I have guests on the podcast every now and then. Not all the time, but every now and then they will offer free services, a free consultation for me and I might just go, oh my God, thank you so much, and then never circle back on that.

And now that I’m like in this whole different mindset, I’m like, oh my gosh, Leigh Ann, that is so dumb. But I think a part of it is this like, oh, [00:31:00] they probably just said that. ’cause they feel they should. And to that end, like the transaction of it, I can’t just receive that out of nothing. Um, and I was listening to a podcast the other day.

I’m a part of this. Manifestation community called to be magnetic, which I love. I really like their unconscious approach to manifestation. But there was, they had a podcast on money, and this woman was basically saying that she was like, you have to have the gratitude for the way that abundance is coming through, even if it’s not exactly what you needed it to be.

You know? And I completely do that. Where I might have, for example. An affiliate payment come through for commission that I’m like, shoot, I really needed it to be a bit more this month. And so that’s, that’s immediately the space I’m in is like, oh, come on, universe. Like, yeah. Rather than being like, oh my gosh, that is commission I just received [00:32:00] having had to do very, very little, maybe less than like putting up a post on Instagram, talking about a product I love.

It’s not quite what I was looking for, but thank you so much for this bit that you’ve sent through, and I just feel like that is a total mindset shift rather than unconsciously sending this narrative out into the world of like, it’s still not enough. No, it’s still not enough. Yeah. Rather than being like, oh, thank you so much.

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Which I think is human nature. You know, I, I really do. I think that we all come from a place of seeing what [00:34:00] lacks in everything, and maybe there’s a biological aspect to that, you know, that has served us a millennia ago. But, um. But now I think it is a decision that you make over and over again. It’s a mindset shift that every single person, I think, probably has their thing or you know, a host of things in their life that they find really hard to just like receive for what they are or, or even having a sense of good enough.

Um. So I, I think probably everyone listening can really resonate with that and is probably thinking of like a few things in their own life where they maybe haven’t, um, noticed like the good that came their way. Do you find that there are certain, like themes where that shows up more in your life than other places?

Like you’re talking about maybe commissions or money or things like that. Are there other places where you’re like, oh, that always happens to me and it’s a little harder for me to like notice these things? Um, in terms of receiving? Mm-hmm. [00:35:00] That’s a good question. I don’t know that I’ve noticed a theme. Uh, what I, what I have noticed is that I do tend to think of abundance just financially and go like, Hmm, that’s not coming through to the extent that I want it to.

So I am. I’m in lack, I’m not receiving enough. And what has really shifted for me these last two weeks is, for example, like on a day when I might have a few less clients than I normally do, I might normally be a little bit stressed about that. Like, gosh, I don’t have a full schedule today. Again, like this lack of, I’m not receiving enough.

I really needed that extra blank. Yeah. Rather than being like, what? What shifted for me last week on a slower day was. Oh, okay. So abundance today is coming through in time. Thank you. Something you really care about. Yeah, something I really care about and I receive that and I’m gonna be a good steward of it, but I think before when I was in that old [00:36:00] mindset, on a day when I had less clients, therefore more time because I’d be so caught in the stress and the anxiety and the fear and the worry.

I wouldn’t steward that extra time well, so that abundance is coming through. First of all, I’m not even seeing it for what it is. I’m not receiving it, and it’s just going to waste completely. That’s one example, but it even comes through in really small ways where like I might get from a coffee shop, a free drink card.

Yeah. Um, and I’m just careless with it and maybe like I accidentally throw it away in the trash or I’m just like, ah, whatever, and I toss it because I don’t want paper on my desk or something. And like, it’s that. It’s literally the universe being like, okay, well abundance today came in the form of a free drink and you, yeah.

Yeah, you literally threw it away. Okay. Literally threw your abundance in the trash can. [00:37:00] No, but I, I really think all of us can resonate with this. I just like love the examples because it’s so relevant to all of our lives. Truly, there is abundance coming in for all of us that we are not paying attention to, and I think it’s important to have somebody acknowledging the areas of their life where they see it happening, because.

It helps me think to myself, okay, well where has that happened for me? What am I not noticing? And also how that translates into greater joy and satisfaction in your daily life. Um, whereas I think life can sometimes, you know, as an adult in the world right now, seem a little bit like I wake up and there’s a list of problems and things that have to be taken care of.

And when you start kind of flipping it on its head and seeing all the good that is coming in, maybe that some of that, you know. Stress level is mitigated a bit by the good that we have right in front of us. And I think it’s important to, to know that that can really change the dynamic of our day [00:38:00] to day.

Yeah. And gratitude and contentment, I don’t think mean, we can’t still push and, and strive and dream for more, but it’s, I think for me, I just was in this kind of perpetual, very subtle but perpetual state of just like, uh, but it’s still not what I’m wanting. It’s still not what I’m wanting. I. Yeah, and, and so come on, universe, where are you?

Why isn’t it showing up? Rather than being like, I see this, I receive it. Thank you so much. But you know what really clicked for me was being able to go, you are being so silly, Leigh Ann, how the universe would love to give you everything you’re asking for. But if you feel shame around a free dinner, think about how much shame you’re gonna feel around reaching your first million.

No way. It would absolutely topple you. So build the safety, build the deservingness, build the tolerance for goodness. Yeah. By practicing with all these little things. [00:39:00] Yes. And a birthday party, a 30th birthday party with everyone around you and really putting care and attention into it and sending out invites and you know, giving people a clear idea of what you’re hoping to receive from it.

I think all of that was so. Intentional and showed your, I don’t know, just like how much you were putting yourself out there for people to extend to and like latch onto really, you know, like really connect with, um, on these things. And I thought that was really magical actually. It, I. You don’t see a lot of people doing that.

You know, I think birthday parties as if you have them as an adult, end up being like, you’re 30th, you’re 40th, we’re going to Vegas, we’re doing kaba. Like, it’s not, there’s like not always a ton of intention behind it. Not that that’s bad, it’s totally fine. Um, I think it depends on the person and what you’re looking for, but there’s something about that that you gave yourself like that the opportunity [00:40:00] to.

connect and to have your cup filled. Mm-hmm. Like you set the stage for yourself, you said, it is totally possible. I’m gonna set everything up so that I might actually be able to receive what I’m looking for, and I’m just gonna trust that it’s gonna happen. Yeah, it did. Yeah. And that like trusting, trusting and receiving that.

It was such a gift for me to have all those people show up and give me their time and feel so seen and important to them. And that also it, it might’ve been a gift for them to be welcomed in in that way. You know, we had a, during dinner we had a roast and toast. I love it on Saturday. So, you know, people sharing funny stories, but also just like really kind sweet, uplifting words and stories and.

It. It’s actually that stuff that I feel hard for other people to see. ’cause I, you know, I start to go, oh my, this is gonna be too much for someone. People are gonna think like it’s weird or it’s uncomfortable, and [00:41:00] I don’t think anyone there felt that way, but just that it actually might be a gift for them to be like, wow, I can’t believe I got to be a part of something.

So special to her. Yes. Yeah. And watch somebody else be seen. Mm-hmm. You know, like sometimes we need that, I think to, to see somebody else bravely take a step out and be seen and have other people tell stories about them. Whether it’s advice or a funny story. And I think that’s. That’s a, a vulnerability.

Like it’s super easy to go to the bar and have, you know, drinks and everyone says, you know, cheers to you. Happy birthday, see you later. Um, and that’s fine, but it’s, it’s not this, it’s not what we’re talking about here, which is a little bit of vulnerability and then allowing people to say. Yes. Like lean, you’re, you’re easy to celebrate.

We want to be here. It’s no problem at all. Mm-hmm. Like in fact, I’m excited. Mm-hmm. And you got to really see that in real time happening. And it’s not actually so surprising to me that the next day you’d be like, holy crap, was [00:42:00] that real? Like, is this okay? You know, because that is the big moment, you know?

I think, yeah. Yeah. And such a perfect practice round. You know, I’m saying like, I wanna learn how to receive. Yeah. That’s not just gonna magically happen. I’m gonna receive, I’m gonna receive experiences that I need to practice. But it was so funny because I just was like, you know what? I’m just gonna look at this like a game.

How much can I say yes to? How much can I receive? And I really need to make like a checklist in my journal of. All the things that came through over the last few weeks. Yes. You know, free consult with this person, free dinner here, free coffee, like big and small things. Um, and so it almost became funny.

I’m like, oh my God, there is so, so much, much abundance coming my way that I have just been pushing to the side because it’s not exactly what I asked for. Yeah. So [00:43:00] what a cool way to kick off this new decade. I know a kind of, a really exciting start because, you know, I don’t know, you’re just already saying like, yes to whatever this brings, right?

It’s a new chapter. It’s the next 10 years to create an entirely different version of myself. What am I gonna say yes to and how much can I hold in? Mm-hmm. And, and draw into me That’s mm-hmm. It’s gonna be the question, right? And that’s really exciting and probably daunting in its own way. Like what will that look like?

And I’m sure you have thoughts on that. You mentioned a life inventory, like you’re maybe thinking through some of these things, but um, yeah, what an exciting and joyful way to kick it off. Yeah, completely. I know you did the Realign Your Life workshop Did, I think I shared in the intro of last week’s episode that I’m going through that again.

’cause that’s just sort of, I do that once a year anyways, but that just felt really nice. You know what exactly is gonna come outta that? I’m not sure, but I [00:44:00] just know that when I clear space. Physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, energetically, all the ways. So I have so much more energy, so much clarity comes through for me.

So that was, that’s one of the ways, you know, again, June is sort of this big month of receiving and engaging and connection, but also doing like a deep. Steep inventory with myself and where I’m at and how far I’ve come. Probably more so than just like reflecting on the last year. It’s a lot of reflecting on what was my life up until this point, and I’m in a new decade.

What do I want that to look like? So I’m still in the midst of a lot of that. I’m, I was gonna say, you’re not gonna tell us are you another, um, follow up to that. But a big part of that is like, I think I put, I put up a post on my birthday, I think. Really speaking to my life up until this point was playing small and isolation and [00:45:00] feeling disconnected and feeling unseen.

A lot of that through because of myself, and a lot of that because of external things too, but a lot of that’s self-imposed. And so I do think a big part of my thirties is playing big. Being seen, connection, community, welcoming all that in, and I’m sure there’ll be more. But yes, I think that’s why this conversation feels very timely and resonant.

So, yeah. Yeah. Well, thank you so much as always for facilitating these wonderful, oh, a pleasure. We love hearing about it. Your thoughts always lead me into deeper reflection myself, and I’m sure I speak for everyone when I say that. So thank [00:46:00] you.